Looking Forward

The last few weeks of 2011 rolled by me like a whirlwind, and now, almost unexpectedly, it is 2012. Many bloggers have been talking about their new year’s resolutions, how to keep them, choose them and not become bogged down by them. This blog post by Rachelle Gardner suggests that it is the process of choosing goals, of planning what the year could become, that really matters. The process sets the intention to better ourselves or improve in some way.

I wrote no resolution as yet. I told a friend that since childhood I remained stuck in the notion of the year stretching from the first day of school to the last day of summer vacation. I remember myself as a child flipping through my new textbooks, marveling at all the new material I will have learned by the end of the year. That was my moment for making resolutions and plans, and though these days I no longer go to school, the promise of self-growth, of learning something new every day, remains a powerful influence on what I want from life.

Perhaps some new year’s resolution could benefit me. Or maybe at least some goals, hopes and dreams, wishes. Some words to frame what I want to achieve. I like the idea of setting an intention for the next twelve months.

Writing daily, being more patient with the children, managing my chores, feeling less stressed — are these worthwhile goals? Meditating more, chewing more, appreciating more, exercising more. Funny how my goals can be lofty and banal at the same time. How about enjoying life more?

I love the Buddha’s first Noble Truth: “Suffering Is.” My joy is ever colored by the nagging fear that if I embrace my gratitude, my appreciation, the object of my enjoyment will instantly disappear or change. Perhaps my goal for this year could be to make some headway in accepting change, in believing that “finding joy in life” can coexist (or perhaps can really only exist) hand in hand with “Suffering Is.”

As Abraham says, the buffet of life is filled with choices, and that is how I want it to stay. In a chaotic, crazy, out-of-control, stressed-out way, I’m actually pleased with how my life is progressing. I don’t ask for peace, because I enjoy the energy and overwhelment of  growth. I love running around. I love feeling useful and active. I love being bigger than my own life, even if I do only imagine it.

So this is my resolution for the year. As I wrestle, I mean, flow down the river of life, I will enjoy the quiet sections of the river, revel in flailing through waterfalls (the life-changing parts), and let the current carry me to (hopefully) ever more fantastic realms: new novels, new ideas, new projects, to watching the children grow and change, to growing old and happy with Dar, to bettering myself.

I feel inspired already. Happy new year everyone!

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